"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages"
Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but they can easily take over, making good relationships feel bad. Learning how to argue productively is more than simply not yelling or calling each other names - it is learning to calibrate to each other. Knowing that you're not just being listened to, but really understood is essential to getting through hard times.
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If you are worried that discussing something important to you will create a fight, you are already in a bad situation. Your partner should be your teammate and you need to be able to rely on them to give you the benefit of the doubt, and respond with grace and affection. Relationship counseling can bring you back together as a coordinated unit.
Relationships take work. Without effort, even great relationships can become stale and a partner that you once felt excited about can feel like a roommate. When this is allowed to persist, resentments grow as people start to feel overlooked and that their needs aren't met. It can be painful to feel like the love you once shared is now drifting away - not because something happened, but because nothing did...
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It can feel hard to speak to your partner about feeling an emotional distance, about why it is happening, about needing more. Maybe you're worried about them brushing it off like it's unimportant. Or maybe you think they'll get angry. Maybe you're not even sure if you want to be in the relationship, if its worth fighting for.
Learn to grow together, not apart
Why do people come to couples therapy in Manhattan, New York?
Each relationship is unique and there are as many different reasons for coming to couples therapy as there are relationships. However, they tend to fall in one of these categories
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Acute problems or ruptures ​
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Differing opinions on marriage, children, or lifestyle
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Infidelity or a breach in trust
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A big argument or series of arguments
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Chronic problems
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Growing resentments
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Feeling unseen or unimportant
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Having arguments that feel unresolved
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Uncertainty about the future
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Feeling like you have to beg or repeat yourself over and over to be listened to
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Feeling as though you're growing but your partner isn't
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Lack of sexual intimacy
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Parent-specific
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Differing views about raising children
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Lack of support/needing to be a parent for your partner
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Falling into unwanted roles
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Navigating pregnancy and becoming a parent
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Losing your identity as "lovers" and becoming just "parents"
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Losing your partner to your child - feeling like they are not affectionate to you any longer​​
​Many people - more than you think! - see a couples therapist in order to strengthen their relationship, not to resolve something bad. Sometimes called premarital therapy, or premarital counseling, this often focuses on proactively preparing for life's challenges and enhancing what is already working in your relationship.
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Growth and Development
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Discuss and prepare for potential difficulties
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Learn to communicate in a productive way
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Understand your partner's goals and how you can support
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Discuss religious or spiritual beliefs and their role in your relationship​​​​​​​​​​​​​
Our Approach
There is a huge difference between going to a therapist that does couples therapy and a couples therapist in Manhattan. Couples therapy is, in many ways, unlike therapy for specific issues - like therapy for depression, trauma therapy, or anxiety therapy - as their tends to be a particular dynamic within relationships that is self-sustaining and mutually reinforcing. That is why at Lexington Park Psychotherapy, our couples therapists have specific training in couples therapy. Whether it is a Gottman Method, Internal Family Systems (IFS), or Imago therapy, our couples therapists have specialized training and a committment to helping your relationship thrive.
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How long does it take?
Couples therapy is typically short-term. Good couples therapy isn’t about uncovering in fine-grained detail every aspect of your personalities, but figuring out how to calibrate to one another in a sustainable and enjoyable way. Although this will involve examining the content of the issues that are preventing the relationship from growing, there is often less to be gained in re-litigating old arguments than in focusing on the structure of the relationship - the way you speak to each other, what you are getting from your arguments, and what part of your partner's comments you are responding to. Although a specific argument might be a focal point in your relationship right now, the way the two of you argue and the underlying reasons that the issue has become an argument are almost always more significant than what you are arguing about. Couples therapy will focus on teaching you how to communicate effectively with one another, how to disagree in ways that don’t cause bad feelings, and how to support each other in ways that lift you both up.