You often hear about anxious attachment and its effect on how you show up in relationships and how anxiety influences intimacy and closeness even in committed relationships, but nobody really discusses how anxiety can affect a relationship, even when the anxiety isn’t about the relationship at all. In another post, we will discuss the difficulties and ways to hurdle those difficulties of relationships in which all parties have some significant anxiety, but in today’s post, we

When you’re in a loving, established relationship, it can come as a surprise how destabilizing life-transitions can be. Moments that seem objectively good – like moving in together, getting engaged, welcoming a new child, or moving to a new city – can put a strain on the relationship in unexpected ways, causing more stress and more arguments. This often catches couples by surprise. They expected these changes to be hard, but they didn’t anticipate just how intense or how fre

When people think of anxiety or of being anxious, they often think of acute anxiety – panic attacks, hyperventilating, and an intense fear of doing something. For most people, however, anxiety exists as a kind of chronic or ambient state – a constant hum of self-doubt fills every moment, not enough to prevent you from leaving the house or speaking to other people, but enough to make it feel unpleasant. Although anxiety is characterized by its distinctive kind of fear or worry

Intelligence is usually assumed to be a protection against anxiety. If you can think clearly, evaluate evidence, and recognize cognitive distortions, it seems like you should be far less vulnerable to irrational fears and worries. Yet many highly intelligent people find themselves trapped in anxious feelings despite understanding it exceptionally well. Part of the reason is that intelligence can collude, so to speak, with anxiety. Highly intelligent people are often able to c

Some relationships are bad for you in obvious ways. There is clear incompatibility, dishonesty, instability, and conflict. But many relationships feel bad for a different reason: when the nature of the relationship is unclear, when the communication is ambiguous or on-and-off, it can provoke a kind of relational anxiety. When the relationship never feels settled because it never gets well-defined, because attention and reassurance appear just often enough to keep the connecti

There is a particular kind of anxiety that often, but not always, hides in productivity. For many people, staying busy is not simply about getting things done; it is a way to regulate their emotions. Having something to do, a direction, a channel for their energy, can feel stabilizing. People like this are often successful in their field and appear to be very fulfilled. The difficulty, however, is that when the structure of having a purpose falls away, so too can that stabili

People tend to think that relationship anxiety happens in the absence of contact. And there is some truth to that: when you don’t hear from your partner for a while, you can start to think about why that is, whether they’re treating the relationship seriously, and whether it is important to them. The idea is that time provides people with enough space to start to ruminate. There is some truth to that, of course, but for many people, the feeling of anxiety doesn’t disappear af

There are moments in a relationship when something feels off, but not enough to clearly point to. You might try to forget about it because it feels like saying something will just make a problem out of nothing, or maybe because you’ve brought it up in the past and nothing has changed. So you notice it and then move past it. It feels easier to adjust quietly than to say something that might change the interaction. This type of relationship anxiety is incredibly common. People

For many high-performing professionals, the problem is not work (per se), it is figuring out what not-working looks like. When your career is the central tent-pole of your life – when you’ve worked hard to get where you are, and now a lot is expected of you – it can be difficult to “turn off”. Time spent with friends can feel like a temporary reprieve, but more often than not, your mind is on work. The problems with this aren’t always obvious to those who love what they do.

Why do we use corporate jargon? A WSJ feature highlights how language protects relationships—Dr. Conrad explains the psychology behind workplace communication.

In a famous bit of dialogue from Richard Linklater’s surrealist movie Waking Life, the protagonist speaks to a man about the importance of maintaining a life that is really yours. As with much else in the movie, the dialogue is overwrought and exaggerated almost comically (for instance: “The worst mistake you can make is to think you’re alive when, really, you’re asleep in life’s waiting room.”). Toward the end of their interaction, he describes working a difficult job, getti

It often starts with something small: a brief pause before a reply, a message that feels slightly shorter than usual, a comment that could be taken in more than one way. Nothing overtly wrong…just enough ambiguity to stay with you. So, later, your mind returns to it. You replay the conversation, this time paying closer attention. You begin to notice things you didn’t register at first: was the tone off? Why did they say that then? they seemed distracted… For many, that is onl

Many people find themselves asking: why am I always the responsible one, and why is it so difficult to step back? Being reliable is almost universally regarded as a positive trait ( see Nietzsche for an opposing view ). Being reliable indicates that you are consistent and have the capacity to follow through: qualities that are highly valued in both professional and social contexts. The trouble is that over time, being the reliable one can cause those around you to start to ex

Anxiety in Manhattan Professionals Is Shaped by a Distinct Set of Pressures Although anxiety is something that all people experience to some degree, it manifests differently across different groups. In environments where expectations are elevated, where performance is measured carefully, and outcomes are highly visible and carry significant professional consequences, anxiety tends to take on a more persistent form and become more integrated into one’s identity. Professionals

Anxiety Often Emerges After Arrival, Not Before Many students begin college expecting the transition to feel challenging but manageable. For many students, there is often a sense of momentum in the early weeks: new classes, new routines, and the assumption that things will settle with time. For high-performing students in particular, there is usually a well-established belief that effort will translate into stability. What is less expected is that anxiety often does not appe

The Transition to College Is Not Just Academic The transition from high school to college is often a more significant shift than students anticipate. For many students in New York City, college is the default “next step,” but even those from prestigious preparatory schools such as Grace Church , Horace Mann , or Léman can struggle to make that transition . Students go from environments in which expectations are clear, continuously reinforced, and have their parents to lean

In a recent USA Today opinion piece on modern dating and situationships, journalist Andrea Javor sat down with Jordan Conrad, PhD, LCSW, founder and clinical director of Lexington Park Psychotherapy

In New York City’s most demanding professional circles, stress is often treated as a given. Long hours, high-stakes decisions, and constant visibility are simply part of the landscape for many people. Many high-performing professionals become adept at functioning under pressure, meeting deadlines, being the reliable one , and sustaining outward success even while carrying a steady internal load. Because performance remains strong, chronic stress can quietly normalize itself.

Couples therapist Lily Eckstein discusses communication problems in relationships on the And Here’s Modi podcast and how couples therapy in NYC helps.

In Manhattan’s high-performance culture, anxiety does not always look like panic attacks or visible distress. Many accomplished professionals, students, and creatives move through their days appearing composed, productive, and outwardly successful while privately managing a persistent undercurrent of tension. This pattern, often called high-functioning anxiety, frequently goes unnoticed precisely because it coexists with achievement. Individuals who excel academically or main