Perfectionism and Self-Improvement: Founder and Clinical Director Jordan Conrad Interviewed by TrillMag

Between social media, youtube, and podcasts, we are now constantly be encouraged to engage in some self-improvement. Although self-improvement is definitionally good, the constant reminder that you could be more productive, fit, attractive, cool, social, etc. leaves a lot of people feeling miserable about themselves and confused at how everyone else gets all that time in their day.

Concerned about the onslaught of self-improvement messaging to Gen Z, Jessica Thompson of TrillMag reached out to founder and clinical director, Jordan Conrad, to discuss the difference between striving for perfection and self-improvement. In “How To Be Perfect: Our Obsession to be the Best (and its Consequences)” Jordan explains that although perfection seems like an objective measure – maximizing on every dimension – there are values and judgements that come into play that make perfection different in different circumstances: “Perfection has to be anchored to what a particular person wants for themselves—it has to be anchored to their own meaning system.”

There are opportunity costs in everything – not just in time, but in value. If you spend time becoming a great novelist, not only will you not have the time to become a great scientist, but some people don’t like fiction. No matter what skill you develop, some people won’t like it and if you are focused on what others think, then you won’t consider yourself “perfect”.

Additional problems occur when people take their idea of perfection from others – influencers, podcast hosts, wellness guru’s, and that popular kid in school. When people get stuck focusing on what others think, they start to engage in what Jordan calls “perception management,” or focusing on how other people are perceiving you and working to manage that picture. People striving for perfection are usually caught up in making sure everyone else sees them as perfect. But because everyone has different values and interests, you won’t ever be able to achieve it: “Too often people just accept what “perfection” is from someone else and try to replicate or emulate that—that’s a losing battle you wouldn’t ever want to win” Jordan explains.

A part of the issue is that most of the people we look at as “perfect” are perfect in one area and it is usually what they get paid for. David Goggins is an ultramarathon runner and a retired Navy SEAL who is now a motivational speaker. He is undeniably impressive, but if you are an attorney, college student, or parent, you can’t live how he lives. He gets paid to be an intense person so that is what he does all day. The same is true for your favorite “perfect” fitness influencer or productivity guru.

“It is difficult to demarcate precisely where “personal development” and “striving for perfection” come apart, but we’ll know it from our daily lives” Jordan says. Personal development involves paying close attention to your values and creating goals consistent with those.